I am currently [figuratively] looking at a rice bowl. Only, i dont know what kind of rice this is. It’s not the jasmine i ordered. And its not the wild i secretly wanted. It’s not the brown my parents suggested. And its not the fried everyone thought I’d end up with. So what do I do, do i taste it? Or do I throw it back in their faces, and say “what the fuck is this man.”
I guess, would be one way to describe where I am. I went to bible college, not to long ago. And when people hear that, it baffles them, to say the least. “what?…..what kind of bible” “well, thee bible.”
I romanticized drugs, and sex, and alcohol, and boys and conversation. Cigarettes and kisses and dance parties. Glow sticks, speakers and art. But when the music dies down, the sobriety is effective, and you realized the heart attached to the lips is less then attractive, You just need something more. I’m not even talking about “finding religion”, I’m talking about finding something worth while, and I chose bible college because the people I’ve met there will be in my mind and heart till I die.
I just watched two people I love get married. At one point, not to long ago (but very thick in my young age) I thought I was perfect for the groom. But recently, God bitch slapped me. And he said “you know that boy you want? the one you thought you were perfect for? the one who made you sick, who you thought for sure was exactly what you knew he was. well he just walked into the sun set with a girl who could not be more your opposite. so go figure that out.”
and i said “i know God, i know. I thought I was perfect for that job, but every time i thought that it only made it worse. and im not going to be able to be perfect for someone i want, until i myself am something i want. so kick my ass into shape”
Every day i realize how little i have to do with my own life. So I’m letting go of the reigns, and I’m going to seattle. And im just praying the home schooled brainwashed bible totting know it all, dont make me want to die.
